6 responses to “You’re sick again?”

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  rosalindjoffe July 14th, 2009 at 07:19

  When my mother was sick for 13 years with heart disease, my sibs were so angry and disappointed when she'd “choose” not to show up for something. And resented what she did go to. As someone with chronic illness myself (I had UC for 5 horrible years until colon was removed!) – 30 years with MS- I know how hard it is to make these “choices” and expect others to understand. The bottom line is that they can't and even if they “understand”, they're still disappointed when you can't show up. And so are you. IT seems like a choice to others – even if it doesn't to you. I think all you can say is that you understand how difficult it is for them, too.

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  Brenda July 14th, 2009 at 08:37

  We have too much much to worry about in our own lives to constantly worry about what other people think. If they they don't understand, that is one thing. But if they are rude, like your “friend” WE need to decide whether that is really a friend or not. My true friends know me and know when I say I can't make it, I can't make it. They don't ask why. Other people's opinions don't matter.

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  Jen P. September 14th, 2009 at 18:40

  I just did a post about a similar point…I called mine “the villianization of exercise”. Specifically I was thinking about some people I know who don't understand how some days I can exercise and walk for miles, but other days I tell them I can't go the mall because it's raining and I can't walk that much. No matter how I try to explain WHY the rain causes a problem with walking, all they hear is “I don't want to go so I'm going to use my illness as an excuse”. Also as I head into a new job, I'm already dreading my new coworkers saying “you're sick again?” every time I get one of my frequent colds. So far I don't have a great way of dealing, but knowing other people feel the same frustration helps… Personally I just keep trying to explain it as many times as it takes, from a scientific perspective if they respond well to that. Some people are just never going to get it.

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  Jen P. September 15th, 2009 at 01:40

  I just did a post about a similar point…I called mine “the villianization of exercise”. Specifically I was thinking about some people I know who don't understand how some days I can exercise and walk for miles, but other days I tell them I can't go the mall because it's raining and I can't walk that much. No matter how I try to explain WHY the rain causes a problem with walking, all they hear is “I don't want to go so I'm going to use my illness as an excuse”. Also as I head into a new job, I'm already dreading my new coworkers saying “you're sick again?” every time I get one of my frequent colds. So far I don't have a great way of dealing, but knowing other people feel the same frustration helps… Personally I just keep trying to explain it as many times as it takes, from a scientific perspective if they respond well to that. Some people are just never going to get it.

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  Amanda June 5th, 2010 at 01:39

  I think the saddest part about this is the accusation that the right to set your own priorities and make choices based in your own priorities is somehow wicked. I deal with this same dilemma described above due to my chronic illness, and I’ll be damned if I don’t have the right to make choices. Of course we have the right to set our own priorities. It’s true that our flares and frequent inability to show up to places where we want to be if we were healthy are *not choices.* We don’t have willful control over being sick. But I sure as hell do prioritize where I need to spend my very limited energy, and it is my right to set those priorities, and I resent it when people don’t respect that.

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  admin June 5th, 2010 at 12:16

  Amanda, well said! This drama still looms over my head to this day. I feel a small rift has developed between us and that’s a shame. I no longer trust him and his ability to understand and be compassionate. Therefore, I completely agree with your statement, “I resent it when people don’t respect that.”

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• Grand Rounds Blog Carnival - Vol 5.47 Invisible Illness : Invisible Illness Awareness Week August 18th, 2009 at 07:03

  [...] It’s not really school without a few misunderstandings between friends. Angela shares how even the best of friends still don’t understand when we tell them we can’t play today and have to cancel our plans in her blog post You’re Sick Again? [...]